It's been a while since the last post, but we have been busy. February 25 our DD came up to visit and brought her youngest baby. We have enjoyed a fairly mild winter this year; I've been somewhat disappointed with the lack of snow. DD does NOT enjoy snow or winter of any kind and lives in Oklahoma where snow is a major disaster accompanied by an immediate shortage of milk and bread. So, of course, we had a forecast of 2 to 7 inches of snow for the Saturday she came in! It was snowing when she landed, but fortunately we just got an inch or so. Still it was cold and that was hard enough on her! Anyway, we had a wonderful visit. Love her; love her sweet baby.
DD and her dad never were close as she was growing up. Dh was a perfectionist and somewhat stand-offish (okay, very hands off with the kids), and I don't think any of our kids consider him to have been very close to them. He loved them all dearly, but was never very "touchy-feely." Not even with me. Anyway, DD is enjoying a close relationship with Dad for the first time in her life. Dh is much more approachable now. He seems happier than he has ever been in his life. Dh's joy in life right now is telling "his stories," and he can tell that she wants to hear them and truly enjoys him. As we were dropping her off at the airport, she asked her Dad for a hug and he jumped up to give her a big hug. He has told everyone he sees that his daughter asked him for a hug and told him he is so funny. You can see in his eyes how delighted he is with his daughter and he is proud of her, maybe for the first time.
It is heartwarming to see them enjoying each other. She taught me a huge lesson this visit. I need to let go of all the concerns and responsibilities and just spend time enjoying my husband while I can. I've been thinking about my current life a lot lately. Strangely enough, it was a book I read that first started me thinking. In the story a young woman was raped by the husband of her best friend and found herself pregnant as a result. She made the decision to have the baby, but to give her up to adoption without ever seeing the baby. She denied even to herself the existence of the pregnancy and refused to feel the baby kick. Her "life" ended at that moment. All she could think of was when the baby was finally born, her life could begin again. Ultimately her attitude gradually changed and she came to love her daughter.
I realized that like the young lady in the book, I had allowed myself to think my life was on hold, from the day dh was diagnosed. I'm starting (baby steps) to try to resume my life outside of this disease that has taken hold of our household. I found a new book that I am going to work through. It is called life is a verb - 37 Days to Wake Up, Be Mindful, and Live Intentionally. (There is the most wonderful poem, "Lost and Found," at the beginning that was written by David Hollies, who was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. I would love to quote it here - but...I don't want to anger the copyright gods. I'll email the author and see if I can get permission.) Anyway, this is a workbook to change your outlook through daily challenges - Actions and Movement (as in, movement toward living your life with intention). The actions are frequently free writings, which I haven't done since college, but enjoyed then. The daily readings have wonderful titles like "Dance in your car," "Carry a small grape," and "Consider the flea." Those titles appeal to a certain randomness I'm feeling right now.
The idea of living with intention has been popping up around me lately. I picked up a book at my counselor's office by Dr. Wayne Dyer that proposed the thought that intention is the primary force of life. Then I picked up life is a verb at JoAnn's, of all places, and was intrigued by it. I actually walked away from it and had to go back to buy it the next day when I couldn't stop thinking about it. It shouldn't have been at JoAnn's - although it looks crafty, after reading the first two chapters, it is obviously not a craft book. I think it was there especially for me.
Well, this has gotten long. Gotta go. Love and peace to all.
That book was there for you!!!
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